Stop comparing yourself to others: the top secret way

Despite the myriad cliches about trusting the timing of your life, the reality of living such wisdom feels much more difficult.

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How can we be patient with ourselves amid the infinite scroll of smiling, happy, perfect people (“influencers” whose sole purpose is to persuade us to be like them rather than evolve as ourselves), and who seem much more successful and fulfilled than we are now, or perhaps ever will be?

We know social media is a big fat illusion, and you know you need to stop comparing yourself to others — otherwise you wouldn't be reading this — but why does it feel so hard?

The truth is that while the cause of comparison seems to originate externally, it starts within — like everything else in life.

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These comparisons seem to "make us think" we should be further along or have something we currently don't, but the reason we latch onto these painful comparisons is because of our own doubts, fears and insecurities.

These insecurities already existed, it's just that a few specific illusions — which I'll get to in a moment — bring these subconscious fears to the surface.

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Identifying this problem as an inner one rather than an outer one is important because it allows us to take our power back. This is essential if you want to stop comparing yourself to others.

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Now we descend into the heart of the matter —

To stop comparing yourself to others requires shifting the focus from what you're getting from life to how you're interacting with life.

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Ask yourself: What are you really reacting to? What are you afraid of in this moment? What do you feel you are lacking, and what is the story you're telling yourself about that?

When you are at peace internally, you know in your core that you are at the right place, in the right time, doing the right things. You feel that and that feeling makes you less susceptible to comparison.

Earlier I mentioned illusions that trigger our deeper fears, inciting comparison. One of those illusions is that of continual increase. We see people who never seem to encounter setbacks, which makes us fight against our own, which ironically prevents us from rising above them.

Continual increase does not exist. Life is a series of ebbs and flows, endings and beginnings — for everyone.

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Even the people who seem to have it together the most have failures and sadnesses they don't necessarily share with the world.

Part of the reason we latch onto the myth of continual increase is because we lack faith in our own ability to navigate setbacks.

Experiencing setbacks triggers a fear of being unable to overcome them while also highlighting fears that we're not worthy of or capable of creating what we want.

When we see other people who have what we want, we tell ourselves they must never have dealt with the problems we're dealing with.

This only makes us feel sorry for ourselves. And it's fueled by a deeper fear that what we want isn't possible. That it may be possible for THEM, but not for US.

And even if you believe that you're capable of creating what you want, a lot of times it's this deeper uncertainty of being able to successfully navigate obstacles, setbacks and momentary failures that causes us to give up, or waste energy focusing on other people rather than creating solutions to our problems.

A big reason for comparing ourselves to others is that we don't truly believe our success is possible, let alone inevitable.

Many of us have low self-esteem, and we don't believe in our capacity to succeed or see the value in our self-expression. When we compare ourselves to others, there is an element of wishing we were them, because we see them as valuable and capable, and ourselves as not valuable and not capable.

In the moment of comparison, we dismiss our own value, along with our capacity to overcome.

People with high self-esteem have greater resilience and an ability to respond to life's setbacks in healthy ways, making it so difficulties don't last as long or affect them as drastically.

People with high self-esteem consider their success inevitable because they focus on core traits like their ability to adapt rather than surface things like momentary difficulties.

The most important thing you can do to stop comparing yourself to others is to focus on being the best you can you be.

When you increase your confidence and spiritual connection, continue developing practical skills and stay connected to your own creative impulse, you'll be less vulnerable to comparison attacks.

That's the best way to stop comparing yourself to others.

It'll still happen, but it won't affect you as much or for as long.

We're all so unique. The more you value your uniqueness, you'll understand on a deep inner level that we all have unique journeys.

This inner appreciation allows you to appreciate others and feel inspired by them — without comparing yourself to them.

That's why I created Soul Scroll Journals. I wanted everyone to have the tools to feel confident and be resilient. 

To release the past pain causing you to doubt your value, to increase your self-esteem so you can live in alignment with your highest self.

If you're ready to get started, I recommend either our best-selling Self-Love guided journal — with nearly 170 five-star reviews on Amazon — or the Listen to Your Heart guided journal.

The Self-Love journal is for people who have a lot of past pain to work through and need help understanding their emotions.

Listen to Your Heart is for people who feel unsure about their next chapter in life and want to ask themselves the big questions about who they are and what they want.

Aligning with your highest self is about believing in your highest possibility and releasing anything that isn't that.

We're so grateful to guide your journey.

All the love,

Suzanne Heyn

Founder, Soul Scroll Journals

We make guided journals to help you know, love and trust yourself so you can create a life as unique as you are.